March 16, 2012

The Time I Stripped In Class

I like to tell stories.....and not all of them paint me in a flattering light.

While some I will not put online....ever, there are some that I find amusing enough to share.  If you cannot laugh at yourself then you have a mess of problems that probably need professional help.

These stories may have been changed slightly to protect the guilty and/or to cover up minor memory lapses.....


Back in 1998, during my Junior year of High School at good old DCHS, I took biology with Mr. Dent.  He was a popular teacher, coach of the girl's basketball team if I recall correctly, and pretty much everyone takes biology.  It was one of the few classes where you get to play with fire.

My lab partner that day was Steve.  I won't give his last name, but if you were in the class of 1989 you might remember we only has a couple Steves and only one was the son of a Preacher.  We were boiling water in a beaker for some reason.  You know how water likes to stop boiling the moment you turn off the heat?  Steve went to turn off the gas and in the process knocked over the beaker right into my crotch.

Even though the next few seconds was in slow motion for me, I'm not quite sure what single word obscenity I blurted out.  It was powerful enough to get the attention of all my fellow students as I leaped away from my desk and ripped off my belt as I began to drop trou.  I remember feeling the eyes of my ex-girlfriend on me as I stopped with my pants a few inches below my waist.  Whipping my head around I see my belt land on the teacher's desk as he glances up to see what the commotion was.

Time speeds back up and I limp out of the room, holding my pants on with one hand as I work my way to the boy's bathroom.  In the hallway a few feet from the door I use my free hand to rip my safety goggles off my head and toss them into the room behind me.

In the bathroom I finish pulling my pants off and I'm relieved to find that I only have a 1st degree burn going down my leg, and not a bad one at that.  I was wearing some 501 Levis and the cotton just wicked the boiling water down my leg, spreading the heat over a wide area.  Some cool water on paper hand towels did much to alleviate any pain.

It took some time for Mr. Dent to come in to check on me.  When he did he apologized for taking so long, saying that they were all too busy laughing at me.  Seriously?  I was almost shocked by this odd admission more than the hot water.  I showed him the light, but extensive burn and told him I was fine........fine, but I was going to go ahead and take a few hours off of school, maybe even the rest of the day.

My shock had turned into a bot of anger and I explained that he was going to write me a pass to leave for the rest of the day should I want to.  I didn't really appreciate him failing to see to the welfare of a student because he was too busy laughing at the student's misfortune.  This wasn't blackmail since I never intended to narc Mr. dent out to the school, but I really wasn't looking forward to seeing my classmates right now.

That is the time I started to strip in class and got half a day off school for my efforts.....

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