February 11, 2012

Don't Be Those Parents

We just got back from working on the "I Love Beer Tour" at Old Chicago.  It was a busy night and there were some issues that came up, but generally nothing worth complaining about....

....except for the kid at the next table.

For the record, I don't like children.  Children are obnoxious little twits that should be seen and not heard, much less felt.  Now I will be honest and freely admit that I've liked almost every child I've every got to know, but stranger's kids?  Stranger's kids are a pain in the ass.


It isn't my job to teach your children to behave.  If I so desperately wanted to be a nurturing parent, I would have had some of my own.  I don't mind my the children of my family and friends and would gladly teach them some of the things I've learned, but stranger's kids need to learn from their parent's and their parent's friends, not me.

The kid in the booth next to us was four-ish.  He kept coming over to our booth, either walking over or  simply popping his head  next to mine.  I won't begrudge a kid being inquisitive and friendly, but once is enough.  I don't need a germ-monkey staring at my food and coughing on my plate.  Ok, this particular kid didn't cough on my plate, but I've been coughed on (usually in the face) often enough.

If that wasn't bothersome enough, at one point he actually starts slapping my back and neck and then grabs my hair.

Now after I've had a couple, ok three, beers, I'm not going to go on the defensive and tell the bastard to bugger off.  I'd like to have told his parents that not everyone find their spawn so cute they don't mind the regular intrusions.  Twice his parents told him to stop what he was doing, but not once did they ever address me, much less apologize.

How is this kid supposed to learn some manners?  Simply telling him to stop without any explanation or letting him witness an apology isn't going to go far.  At that point it is obvious that the kid isn't really to blame, it's his parents for being dumbasses.

If you choose to spawn, or have an unfortunate accident with your birth control, don't expect other people to raise your kids for you.  Man-up and take some responsibility.  Refraining from being an idiot parent now can be a vital first step in not raising the next generation of stupid, insensitive Americans.

Don't be that parent.....

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